In expatriation, there are those key transitions: those of departure as an expat, those of a return from an assignment and even those of holidays in the country of origin! What makes them so special? Our emotional state yo-yo's! We go from joy to sadness, from excitement to anxiety, from curiosity to doubts, from discovery to frustration.
These key moments often create a veritable emotional melting-pot: the immense joy of reunion, the profound sadness of leaving home, the guilt of imposing this lifestyle choice on those around us, the frustrations linked to our own expectations or those of others, the curiosity of discovering a new country, the doubts about the relevance of this lifestyle... all this accompanied by a heavy mental burden around the organization of these transitional phases.
Your emotions run riot, your thoughts rob you of the present and your body reacts too, with knots in your stomach, tears in the corner of your eye and uncontrolled laughter! Of course, it's different from one expat to the next, from one situation to the next... but what these transitions have in common is that they are major sources of stress.
So, what do you need? Probably calm, pauses, deep breaths, space to understand what's going on inside you! You probably also need to create a little oasis of peace where you can recharge your batteries - your own little bubble of well-being!
To live through these intense periods with greater serenity, my trick is to live them with full mindfulness! Here are a few ideas for you to try out!
What is mindfulness exactly?
Living mindfully means living in the present moment. Paying full attention to what's happening here and now, without making any judgements.
Bringing your full attention to the present moment is like the flash of light from a torch focusing only on what's in your field of vision... your field of attention.
The fantastic thing is that you can do this at any time! Whether it's to understand what's going on inside us or to pay attention to what's going on around us!
Mindfulness is a way of being!
Being mindful is a way of being. It doesn't mean adding another task to your to-do list, or stopping thinking, or even meditating!
Being mindful simply means being totally in the present moment and giving your full attention to what's happening here and now!
When my thoughts deprived me of the present moment.
​Personnellement, je suis une championne de l’organisation. Une qualité pratique pour ma vie de multi-expatriée, mais j’ai réalisé aussi qu’elle me privait bien trop souvent du présent. Je suis toujours en train de me projeter, de planifier, d’organiser. Ma tête est pleine de pensées tout le temps.
I had a real Eureka! the day I got out of the shower and realized that I didn't even know if I'd remembered to soap my feet! I'd been so absorbed in my thoughts - organizing my day, the kids' day, the phone calls to make, the activities to plan - that I hadn't been able to enjoy my morning shower at all!
Now I've made it my daily challenge. My shower has become my bubble, my oasis, where I think of nothing but being with myself, attentive to what surrounds me at that moment: the sound of the water, the smell of the soap, the steam from my hot shower and myself!
Et j’applique cette astuce aussi souvent que possible au cours de mes activités quotidiennes.
How to be mindful?
The good news is that mindfulness can be applied to all kinds of activities.
How does it work? Through a deliberate intention to focus your attention on what's happening in the here and now: watching your children play, walking with attention to your surroundings rather than your destination, pausing to check how you're feeling at the moment, having a conversation with quality listening, without interrupting or thinking about what you might say that's clever, savoring your sandwich rather than eating it while writing a quick last email.
Vous pouvez même aller plus loin: faire la vaisselle ou vous brosser les dents en pleine conscience ! Toute votre attention se porte sur ce que vous faites précisément en ce moment ! Un bon moyen de d’offrir une pause à votre cerveau !
It's all these little moments of mindfulness, in the present, that become your little bubbles of well-being.
Give your brain some breaks!
Did you know that your brain generates more than 60,000 thoughts a day, 40 a minute? It also spends 47% of its time thinking about the past or the future. So, it's impossible to stop thinking, but it is possible to give your brain a break.
Don't forget that it's your thoughts that trigger your emotions and reactions... so giving your brain a regular break, with all your attention focused on the present, is like giving it a holiday too!
It's an excellent way to recharge your brain! Studies have shown that learning to live more in the present moment is a real happiness booster!
Tips for being mindful
So as an expatriate, humanitarian or accompanying spouse, during the stressful transitional phases, when your emotions and thoughts get the better of you, give yourself a moment to enjoy the present moment. For example, you can:
- Prioritize quality over quantity: rather than running from one invitation to the next, meet fewer people, but with more quality! Organize special times to be fully available: don't answer calls, don't get distracted by text messages, and don't think about the logistics of the next day.
- Step back:Â simply observe and listen, without letting your judgements, expectations or frustrations deprive you of this moment. It's not always easy, but it's often enough to anchor yourself completely in the moment and pay kind attention to what's happening here and now.
- Be as curious as possible:Â Curiosity is a real asset in helping you to be fully present to what's going on around you. Take an interest in others, ask curious and positive questions, initiate interesting conversations, admire the scenery, understand how everything around you work.
- Savoring to reinforce positive memories:Â It's not enough to have a good time, you also must make sure you savor them! Learn to fully appreciate the exchanges and the privilege of being together... these micro-instants of happiness in an often-busy schedule. Savoring them, enjoying them, allows you to reinforce the experience and create positive memories that boost your well-being.
- Être présent à vous-même : Tous les conseils précédents s’appliquent aussi à vous-même. Prenez le temps de vous écouter, d’être présent à vous-même, d’être curieux de ce qu’il se passe en vous. “Qu’est-ce que je ressens ? De quoi ai-je besoin en ce moment ? Comment puis-je y répondre ?” Savoir vous écouter pour vous respecter et pour mieux prendre soin de vous.
Conclusion
To conclude, I'd like to quote Eleanor Roosevelt, who sums up what I'm trying to say to you today:
‘Yesterday is history, tomorrow is mystery and today is a gift’. .
To manage the key transitions in your expatriation, take advantage of the gift of the present moment and live your key transitions with mindfulness!