Although my many expatriations share some similarities, none of them are alike.
For my part, I've experienced all types of personal status (alone, as a couple, with my family) and professional status (employee, accompanying spouse, student, self-employed).
J’ai vécu 4 changements de carrière (enseignante, manager de musiciens professionnels, humanitaire dans les pays en guerre, coach professionnel et personnel).
Sans oublier bien sûr, que j’ai baigné dans une large diversité des cultures entre plusieurs pays d’Afrique, du Moyen-Orient, de l’Europe, plusieurs villes d’Amérique du Nord et plusieurs républiques de la Russie (Tchéchénie, Daghestan, Kabardino-Balkarie, etc.).
Enriching and positive expatriations.
Looking back, I realize that I'm incredibly lucky!
Malgré les défis et difficultés, à terme, toutes mes expatriations se sont transformées en expériences enrichissantes et positives . Je précise bien “à terme”, parce que l’expatriation n’est pas un long fleuve tranquille and comporte son lot de difficultés, de doutes et de questionnements.
Il y a des hauts et des bas, des moments où on adore notre vie d’expat et d’autres où on maudit ce choix de vie ! Il y a des pays où ça semble plus facile. Pourtant, ce sont aussi les pays considérés comme plus “difficiles” qui sont riches en moments inoubliables !
Ayant vécu dans plus de 12 pays différents, on me demande souvent quel a été celui que j’ai préféré ! C’est une réponse impossible à donner ! Je les ai tous aimé ! Pourquoi ? Parce que chaque expérience m’a enrichie et surtout chaque contexte comporte ses propres points positifs !
Boosting your expat life with positive psychology.
To help me understand what has led me to this very positive assessment of my many years as an expatriate, I had some fun listing the tips I've applied throughout my expatriations.
I then reread this list from the point of view of my training in positive psychology and I realized that... I hadn't invented anything!
Without realizing it, I'd used a number of keys that the science of well-being recommends to help us achieve our full potential!
Of course, every expatriate is different and needs to find his or her own keys. However, positive psychology offers a wide variety of tools so that everyone can use the ones that suit them best.
Here I'm sharing just five tips, tested and approved by the science of happiness! You'll see that they're all very simple and logical! But they're not always easy to apply daily!
#1 – Adopter un état d’esprit de développement à l’étranger.
There is one prerequisite for a successful expatriation: adopting an open mindset. In positive psychology, this is known as a growth mindset (its opposite is a fixed mindset).
A growth mindset loves to discover and learn, because it knows that this is the key to evolving and fitting in. It's prepared to make efforts, because it knows it's necessary to keep moving forward. And above all, it accepts the idea of making mistakes, of not knowing, of not understanding everything! It dares to take risks, is open to criticism and learn from its experiences.
Adopter un état d’esprit de développement est crucial en expatriation pour aborder un nouvel environnement et s’intégrer dans une autre culture. Mais ce n’est pas tout !
This growth mindset is just as important to apply to yourself! During our lives, but even more so when we're expatriates, our identity changes. So, we must be ready to accept our new needs and desires... and certainly also to discover unsuspected strengths within ourselves! Seize the opportunity to get to know ourselves better, to surprise ourselves, to live differently, to do differently, perhaps even to be differently.
Activating our curiosity is key to developing a growth mindset, and I'll tell you all about it in this 2nd tip.
#2 - Activate your curiosity when expatriating.
In positive psychology, it has been shown that curiosity is an essential character strength for increasing our well-being.
Curiosity seems to be a common denominator for all expatriates. It's probably our thirst for curiosity that drove us to travel and settle abroad. Curiosity is, of course, essential to discovering our surroundings, our new environment, its culture, its values, its beliefs, and so on.
But curiosity can also help us deal with the worries and concerns of everyday life. When, for example, we're frustrated, overwhelmed or irritated. After the honeymoon phase at the start of an expatriation, it's common to face cultural shock, which is full of frustrations!
Here's a funny yet serious little tip from Benjamin Zander in his book ‘The art of Possibility ’. Every time you encounter a problem, instead of getting angry and judging, try saying to yourself “How fascinating! How interesting!”
This little sentence has the incredible power to open our minds, stimulate our curiosity and help us approach difficulties in a different way.
To find out more about curiosity, read my article: Curiosity is not a fault.
#3 – Exprimer sa gratitude dans sa vie d’expatriée
When expatriating, it's important to choose to focus on and appreciate the positive aspects of this lifestyle and of our host country.
It's not a question of denying the negative and always being positive, but of considering that our brain has a negative bias that leads it to give more weight to what doesn't work, rather than to what works well. Research has shown that it takes five positive experiences to counterbalance a single negative experience.
So, it's important to counteract this bias by consciously looking for the positive in our daily lives. Nowhere is perfect, but everywhere there are advantages and opportunities!
So why not make a conscious decision to focus on the positive things this new host country can bring us?
To help us do this, we can express our gratitude! Gratitude allows us to considerably increase our level of well-being. You can keep a gratitude diary in which you write down every evening three positive things that have happened to you during the day. You can also set up a family ritual, at the dinner table, where everyone recounts at least one positive event from their day.
If you're looking for other ideas, check out my article on this subject: The power of gratitude in expatriation.
#4 - Savoring the present moment while abroad.
An expatriate friend told me, once back in her home country, that when she was abroad, all she dreamed of going home. And now that she's back, she only regrets one thing: not having been able to make the most of her expatriation!
When we spend our time dwelling on the past or projecting ourselves into the future, we miss the most important thing of all: the present moment. Whether in this country or elsewhere, it's what we have right now, here and now. These moments are part of our lives, and as such, they are precious.
Confucius was right when he said:
‘Wherever you go, go with all your heart’.
This seems to me to be all the more important when we feel that we are sacrificing certain things: we might as well make the most of what we are offered to make it really worthwhile!
Accepting the present and enjoying it is a choice that's entirely up to us.
There are two particularly effective tools to help us do this: mindfulness and savoring.
- Être en pleine conscience signifie de porter consciemment toute notre attention sur le moment présent, sur ce qu’il se passe ici et maintenant. Il s’agit d’éviter de ressasser le passé ou se projeter dans l’avenir. De saisir chaque opportunité pour profiter du moment présent. Pour mieux comprendre la pleine conscience, vous pouvez lire mon article “Expatriation : Comment vivre les transitions clés en pleine conscience.”
- Savoring means that we will intentionally feel gratitude, wonder, appreciate what we are experiencing in this present moment. Savoring allows us to increase our positive emotions and therefore boost our well-being. Learning to savor is not always easy, yet it is a fantastic tool.
#5 - Asking yourself the right questions during your expat experience.
When expatriating, it's vital to take the time to ask yourself the right questions to clarify your expectations. This allows us to identify what we need in the current context and how to fit this expatriation into a life project.
The first questions to ask ourselves are:
- How will I know if my expatriation has been a success?
- What does a successful expatriation mean to me?
We can then elaborate by asking ourselves:
- What are the opportunities here and now?
- What do I want to get out of this current expatriation?
It's also often useful to look further ahead:
- What do I want to have achieved in ten years' time?
- How can I use this expatriation to achieve this goal?
By clarifying our vision, our expectations and what this expatriation can bring us, we will be able to make the right choices and take the right decisions.
Positive psychology emphasizes how important it is to have life goals. They give us direction, purpose and meaning. When we move towards clearly defined goals, we have what we need to achieve our full potential.
Conclusion
There are many other ways to boost your expatriation. Positive psychology offers us a huge range of tools to help us increase our level of well-being and cultivate our happiness. They are easily applicable to expatriation, whatever our situation: as a working expatriate, as an accompanying spouse or as a humanitarian worker, or even on return from expatriation.
À chaque expatrié d’identifier quelles sont ces astuces qui lui conviennent. Je suis curieuse de savoir quelles sont les vôtres ? N’hésitez pas à les partager !
If you're currently going through a phase where you're finding it difficult to get anything positive out of your expatriation, don't hesitate to contact me to talk about it. My TRANSITIONS coaching program allows you to discover and apply a whole host of resources to help you thrive on expatriation! If you'd like to talk about it, you can contact me here: I contact Nancy