40% of our actions are governed by our habits! Hence the importance of putting in place those habits that serve us, rather than those that don’t deserve us.
In expatriation and in life in general, contrary to what we often think, it's not so much external circumstances that influence our level of well-being, but rather the way we approach our daily lives. This is good news because it means that we can influence our level of happiness by putting in place daily habits that will have a positive impact on our life experience.
L’expatriation nous pousse à la fois à bousculer nos habitudes, et à la fois à en créer de nouvelles. En particulier lors de changements d’environnement. Toutefois, il est évident qu’il ne faut pas attendre un changement pour revoir nos habitudes, en particulier celles qui nous desservent et pour en créer de nouvelles qui auront un impact positif sur notre niveau de satisfaction de vie.
Pourtant, c’est bien connu, changer une habitude, c’est souvent plus vite dit que fait. Pour vous y aider, je vous propose ici quelques astuces.
Tip #1: Work around a habit, rather than eradicating it
Neuroscience research has shown that while it is impossible to eliminate a habit, it is possible to replace it with a new one. To do this, we need to repeat the new habit often, to create a new ‘groove’ in our brain, while neglecting the old habit, which will gradually be replaced by the new one.
It's like crossing a field: if we always take the same path, we dig a trail through the field as we go along. If we decide to ignore this trail by taking a different route, the old path will gradually fade away and the new one will take shape more and more.
That's what you can do too. Rather than trying to erase a habit, to stop doing what you're doing, try instead to identify a new habit that could replace it!
Tip #2: Identify the mechanisms of a habit
Charles Duhigg explains in his book “The Power of Habits - Change a little and you'll change everything” that a habit always follows the same pattern, which contains three elements:
- the signal
- the routine
- the reward.
Let's take the example of a smoker who has a habit of lighting a cigarette when he drinks a coffee. The signal is coffee, the routine is smoking, and the reward is nicotine.
These three elements work in a loop: the reward reinforces the positive result of the signal and therefore of the routine.
Another very simple example is brushing your teeth! Thanks to toothpaste, after brushing your teeth, you feel that pleasant sensation of clean teeth! In this case:
- The signal is the feeling of dirty teeth.
- The routine is brushing your teeth.
- The reward is the pleasant feeling of clean teeth.
Creating a new habit
Using this model, to create a new habit you need to define two things:
- A signal to trigger the new habit.
- A reward that will motivate you to put the habit into practice.
Personally, to help me meditate every morning for 10 minutes, I set up the following mechanism:
- The signal: My children are leaving for school. I'm home alone.
- The routine: Meditate for 10 minutes.
- The reward: Drinking my first morning coffee... after my meditation.
This has enabled me to establish this positive habit. With time, my reward is no longer so much the coffee, but rather the benefits of this moment of meditation. Benefits that weren't so obvious at first; hence the importance of first identifying a reward that would motivate me!
Breaking an old habit
In the same vein, to break a bad habit, the trick is to identify:
- The signal of this bad habit so that you can associate it with a new habit. It's not always easy to work out what this signal is, but you really need to take the time to do it by observing what's going on around the bad habit!
- Reward the bad habit so that you can replace it with a reward that is far more satisfying than the old habit. This point is crucial!
Let's take the example of an expatriate I worked with. When she came home from work, she'd got into the habit of sitting on her sofa, turning on the TV and eating crisps. She absolutely wanted to create a new habit, which was to come home from work, change and go for a run. Clearly, the prospect of going for a run wasn't as tempting as that of eating crisps! Finding it difficult to identify a stronger reward for creating this new habit, she came
up with an alternative: to set up an intermediate habit by laying down a rule! If she comes home and sits on the sofa, she's allowed to eat not crisps, but raw vegetables. On the other hand, if she came home and went for a run after her physical activity, she was allowed to eat crisps. It was already more motivated! Little by little, she got into the habit of going for a run as soon as she got home from work. She weakened her old habit and strengthened a new one.
The good news is that by doing so she had also built up her willpower and, thanks to sport, was more motivated to eat better! She then managed to take away the packet of crisps... not by deleting them, but by replacing them with healthier foods such as almonds or dried fruit.
Tip #3: Set intentions to overcome an obstacle
Another great tip for creating or breaking habits is to set yourself intentions. You can do this by predicting in advance what the obstacle might be and from there predicting your reaction, your plan B, to the situation.
‘If situation X arises, I'll do Y”
For example: “If I have a craving for chocolate, I'll make myself a cup of tea with a little honey and enjoy it.” or “If I feel anger rising, I'll take three deep breaths before reacting.”
By anticipating your reaction, you minimize the risk of slipping back into the old habit.
Tip #4: Use habits to free up mental space
We can also strategically use our habits to free up mental space.
It's an interesting trick! We can consciously automate our decisions and waste less time and energy thinking about what we're going to do! In our hectic lives, this is often useful!
For example, Barack Obama only wears grey or navy-blue suits. Mark Zuckeberg only wears grey T-shirts. In this way, they both eliminate the need to decide first thing in the morning, without having to think about what they're going to wear that day!
For my part, I've decided to unsubscribe from all promotional emails. For a start, it frees up space in my email inbox. What's more, it means I don't have to catch myself hesitating and considering buying a new item of clothing or taking advantage of a promotion. If I need something, I'll think about it when the time comes and act on it then. In the meantime, there's no need to always have a reminder that makes me question myself and think about maybe taking advantage of it! In this way, I reduce my mental workload and the icing on the cake is that even if I don't take advantage of the promotions, I tend to spend less!
Now it's your turn!
Start by asking yourself what habits have a negative impact on your daily life? What habits can you create that could have a real positive impact? What intentions can you set yourself to overcome an obstacle? What automatic habits could you put in place to take some of the mental load off your shoulders? And from there:
For an old habit to be replaced, identify:
- What is the signal?
- What is the reward?
- Couple the signal with a new habit.
- Find a stronger reward than the previous habit.
For a new habit to be implemented:
- What could the signal be?
- What could the reward be?
To deal with any obstacles you may encounter:
- Identify potential obstacles.
- For each one, decide what you will do when faced with the situation: ‘If I feel like doing X, I will do Y instead.”
To reduce your mental charge:
- Take stock of what causes an unnecessary mental burn: identify those thoughts, decisions and reflections that waste your energy unnecessarily.
- Define how you can make them automatic so that you no longer must make decisions around these issues.
Conclusion
It's important to establish good habits. When living abroad, it also these habits, much more than the surrounding context or circumstances, that will enable us to flourish. You now know all these tips, and as Aristotle said: ‘We are what we regularly do. Excellence is not an act, but a habit’. Hence the importance of choosing the right habits! Now it's your turn!
I've also posted a video about it here: The video on the 4 effective tips for changing habits. (in French with subtitles)
To find out more, visit Charles Duhigg's website: www.charlesduhigg.com.